Birthday 49

Thanksgiving Birthday, Number 49

By John Taylor; 12 October, 2005

A pilgrim asked the Master if everything matters, if some things are
left up to chance and He replied that every atom of the universe is
intimately connected to God, His Meaning, His teaching and that yes --
to my astonishment a century later -- at least as far as a believer in
God is concerned, the tiniest detail matters, even where a lock of
hair happens to fall on their forehead. This is a pilgrim's note, in
other books He recognizes that accidental happenings do occur. Yet,
for one who believes, seemingly, the smallest accident has some deep
significance in the universal scheme of things. Since then I have paid
a great deal of attention to the smallest details of the hairstyles of
Baha'is I meet. I find myself eyeing their coiffure, trying to discern
secret meaning between the strands. It is reminiscent of when Mr.
Samandari visited Los Angeles and they had to send out a general
warning to the friends not to go up and stare into his eyes, which
everybody wanted to do, considering that those eyes had stared into
the eyes of Baha'u'llah Himself. I told that story to Silvie, and she
appreciated it, for her little amusement when she was small was to
come up to me when I was in a meeting interacting with people and
stare into my eyes. I would not notice at first, and then, "What? What
are you staring at?" She would laugh at her staring into the eyes
prank, her innocent humor that only the pure in heart can grasp.
Otherwise it is jolting to have another stare into your eyes, even for
a Hand of the Cause who did the same thing to the Lord of the Age when
He was not looking.

The tenth of October fell on Thanksgiving Day this year, as it did the
day I was born. Being born on a day of gratitude, and having my
calling of writing you would think I would have something intelligent
to say about gratitude but no, not at all, at least until a few days
before this Thanksgiving Day, when I read this personal testimonial.

"What is courage? Does courage always have to be an act that saves
someone's life? Tamara, a career counselor, says softly, "My nephew
Henri is showing me that how you die can have as much, or more, to do
with courage as how you live. He has inoperable cancer. But he does
not feel pity for himself. He says there are many people much younger
than he who have died from diseases, from wars and accidents, and that
he feels fortunate just to have been alive. He lives every moment as
fully as he can. It is not like he is just putting a brave face on
things; this is the way he is. And I think being this way is a way of
courage; Henri has so much dignity in the face of death, and he is a
role model and inspiration to others, by showing us that it is more
important than ever to keep our heads held high, to live fully, till
the moment we die." (Six Questions of Socrates, Christopher Phillips,
W.W. Norton and Co., New York, 2004, pp. 209-210)

Phillips and Tamara categorize this testimonial under courage but
clearly it should be put under gratitude. Thankfulness is an attitude
to the Creator that gives many gifts, courage, as well as contentment,
joy, happiness, but mostly I suppose, freedom from fear, which is not
precisely the same as courage; freedom from worry, I guess, a defense
against the niggling feeling: will some bad guy or a freak accident or
whim of fate take away what I own, or my very life? Be grateful and
know that what is beyond my power is beneath me, I am grateful just to
have lived the life I have lived.

The slow death of this Henri reminds me of my mother's death. People
who knew her to this day come up to me and talk about her, they
confide in me that her slow, traumatic death inspired them, how having
only a Grade Two education she would struggle through the Baha'i
prayers and still touch peoples' hearts with her indefinable spiritual
quality. I who lived with her in those last months and years, who
listened as she let off steam -- for she fervently did not want to die
-- I am touched by her influence that I know is a result of one thing
only: suffering. That Thanksgiving Day when I was born she was still
in shock from having two children, one Bonny, about 14 and the other
Tommy, about 13, killed before her eyes in another of those senseless
accidents that prey upon the mind. The car stalled on railway tracks,
the driver could not get it going, Mom got out with big brother Bob,
but not with Bonny and Tommy, who stayed in the back seat. Boom. Ten
months later she was so fearful of losing another baby when I emerged
from the womb that October 10th that she refused to look at me. "Why
should I look at a child that is just going to be taken away from me
again?" The doctor took her face in both hands and forced her to look,
saying, "Look, this one is different." She latched onto that and she
told us over and over again through the years that when she did open
her eyes I did look different from all her other babies. She was wrong
of course, I am just like the others except in one way, I was chosen
to enter the Cause of God, not by my own merit but as a blessing in
suffering, as are all real blessings. I am grateful to have lived and
to have seen with my inner eye the greatest of visions, the rise of
God's Glory in its midsummer splendor.

But still, my ingratitude is boundless, for until I read the above
about the hair on the forehead of a believer, I had sunk into what the
Master calls an "evil routine of thought," an habitual way of thinking
that denies meaning and imagines that a believer is subject to chance
goods and bads. The Master said:

"As long as man is a captive of habit, pursuing the dictates of self
and desire, he is vanquished and defeated. This passionate personal
ego takes the reins from his hands, crowds out the qualities of the
divine ego and changes him into an animal, a creature unable to judge
good from evil, or to distinguish light from darkness. He becomes
blind to divine attributes, for this acquired individuality, the
result of an evil routine of thought becomes the dominant note of his
life.
"May all of you be freed from these dangers and delivered from the
world of desires that you may enter into the realm of light and become
divine, radiant, merciful, Godlike.
"All that has been created is for man who is at the apex of creation
and who must be thankful for the divine bestowals, so that through his
gratitude he may learn to understand life as a divine benefit. If we
hold enmity with life, we are ingrates, for our material and spiritual
existence is the outward evidences of the divine mercy. Therefore we
must be happy and pass our time in praises, appreciating all things.
But there is something else: detachment. We can appreciate without
attaching ourselves to the things of this world. It sometimes happens
that if a man loses his fortune he is so disheartened that he dies or
becomes insane. While enjoying the things of this world we must
remember that one day we shall have to do without them.
"Attach not thyself to anything unless in it thou seest the reality of
God - this is the first step into the court of eternity. The earth
life lasts but a short time, even its benefits are transitory; that
which is temporary does not deserve our heart's attachment."
(Abdu'l-Baha, Divine Philosophy, 134-135)

--
John Taylor

badijet@gmail.com