What Price Friendship?

What Price Friendship?

By John Taylor (and Xenophon); 10 January, 2006

The following is from Book II, parts four to ten of Xenophon's
"Recollections of Socrates." I have expunged most of the translator's
boring notes and added some interesting ones of my own. I know that
this is rather long and I may have to break it up into several
installments but it is a crucial text that cries out to be better
known. I had no idea that so much of Socrates is to be found outside
of Plato, and how substantial and inspiring the material on him in
Zenophon's Memorabilia is; true, I read the book quickly in college
but going over this etext translation more carefully now it seems so
much more powerful than I remember it.

What Xenophon's Socrates has to say about friendship is especially
important for Baha'is in view of `Abdu'l-Baha's admonition to practice
what He called the "science of sociability" in teaching the Faith. I
am sure that once the practice of making and keeping friends really
does become a science -- rather than a lost art -- and the full force
of high technology comes to play to assist this worthy goal (instead
of hindering it, as video games, virtual space, MUDs and the withdrawn
"netizenry" do now), and people learn to include friends as integral
to their own life goals, that suicide will be eliminated, as well as
depression and most other ills that whittle away at happiness.

Much of the advice that Socrates gives here sounds like Dale
Carnegie's self-help advice. Carnegie's books, such as "How to Make
Friends and Influence People," made my father into a salesman and he
has recommended them to all comers as long as I can remember. The
difference is not just that Socrates precedes Carnegie by several
millennia, but that he gives this advice to think of and befriend
others with a high philosophical, even mystical purpose in mind.
Carnegie, valuable as his discoveries are, should be fit into a
sophist rather than a Socratic mold.

Zenophon's Memorabilia of Socrates

Book II, Part IV; What Price Friendship?

I have at another time heard him (Socrates) discourse on the kindred
theme of friendship in language well calculated, as it seemed to me,
to help a man to choose and also to use his friends aright.

He (Socrates) had often heard the remark made that of all possessions
there is none equal to that of a good and sincere friend; but, in
spite of this assertion, the mass of people, as far as he could see,
concerned themselves about nothing so little as the acquisition of
friends. Houses, and fields, and slaves, and cattle, and furniture of
all sorts (he said) they were at pains to acquire, and they strove
hard to keep what they had got; but to procure for themselves this
greatest of all blessings, as they admitted a friend to be, or to keep
the friends whom they already possessed, not one man in a hundred ever
gave himself a thought.

It was noticeable, in the case of a sickness befalling a man's friend
and one of his own household simultaneously, the promptness with which
the master would fetch the doctor to his domestic (slave) and take
every precaution necessary for his recovery, with much expenditure of
pains; but meanwhile little account would be taken of the friend in
like condition, and if both should die, he will show signs of deep
annoyance at the death of his domestic, which, as he reflects, is a
positive loss to him; but as regards his friend his position is in no
wise materially affected, and thus, though he would never dream of
leaving his other possessions disregarded and ill cared for,
friendship's mute appeal is met with flat indifference. [or: "the cry
of a friend for careful tending falls on deaf ears."]

Nor had he failed to observe another striking contrast. To take (said
he) a crowning instance: with regard to ordinary possessions, however
multifarious these may be, most people are at least acquainted with
their number, but if you ask a man to enumerate his friends, who are
not so very many after all perhaps, he cannot; or if, to oblige the
inquirer, he essays to make a list, he will presently retract the
names of some whom he had previously included, like a chess-player
recalling a move. Such is the amount of thought which people bestow
upon their friends.

And yet what thing else may a man call his own is comparable to this
one best possession! what rather will not serve by contrast to enhance
the value of an honest friend! Think of a horse or a yoke of oxen;
they have their worth; but who shall gauge the worth of a worthy
friend? Kindlier and more constant than the most faithful of slaves--
this is that possession best named all-serviceable: a vessel fit for
all work indeed is this friend.

Consider what the post is that he assigns himself! to meet and
supplement what is lacking to the welfare of his friends, to promote
their private and their public interests, is his concern. Is there
need of kindly action in any quarter? he will throw in the full weight
of his support. Does some terror confound? he is at hand to help and
defend by expenditure of money and of energy, [by dint of his
diplomacy], by appeals to reason or resort to force.

His the privilege alike to gladden the prosperous in the hour of
success and to sustain their footing who have well-nigh slipped. All
that the hands of a man may minister, all that the eyes of each are
swift to see, the ears to hear, and the feet to compass, he with his
helpful arts will not fall short of. Nay, not seldom that which a man
has failed to accomplish for himself, has missed seeing or hearing or
attaining, a friend acting in behalf of friend will achieve
vicariously. And yet, albeit to try and tend a tree for the sake of
its fruit is not uncommon, this copious mine of wealth--this friend--
attracts only a lazy and listless attention on the part of more than
half the world.

Book II, Part V; How Would My Friendship Be Valued in a Free Market?

I remember listening to another argument of his, the effect of which
would be to promote self-examination. The listener must needs be
brought to ask himself, "Of what worth am I to my friends?" It
happened thus. One of those who were with him was neglectful, as he
noted, of a friend who was at the pinch of poverty (Antisthenes).
Accordingly, in the presence of the negligent person and of several
others, he proceeded to question the sufferer.

Soc. What say you, Antisthenes?--have friends their values like
domestic slaves? One of these latter may be worth perhaps two minae,
another only half a mina, a third five, and a fourth as much as ten;
while they do say that Nicias, the son of Niceratus, paid a whole
talent for a superintendent of his silver mines. And so I propound the
question to myself as follows: "Have friends, like slaves, their
market values?"

Not a doubt of it (replied Antisthenes). At any rate, I know that I
would rather have such a one as my friend than be paid two minae, and
there is such another whose worth I would not estimate at half a mina,
and a third with whom I would not part for ten, and then again a
fourth whose friendship would be cheap if it cost me all the wealth
and pains in the world to purchase it.

Well then (continued Socrates), if that be so, would it not be well if
every one were to examine himself: "What after all may I chance to be
worth to my friends?" Should he not try to become as dear as possible,
so that his friends will not care to give him up?

How often do I hear the complaint: "My friend So-and-so has given me
up"; or "Such an one, whom I looked upon as a friend, has sacrificed
me for a mina." And every time I hear these remarks, the question
arises in my mind: If the vendor of a worthless slave is ready to part
with him to a purchaser for what he will fetch--is there not at least
a strong temptation to part with a base friend when you have a chance
of making something on the exchange? Good slaves, as far as I can see,
are not so knocked down to the hammer; no, nor good friends so lightly
parted with.

--
John Taylor

badijet@gmail.com