Consultative Self-Defense

Consultative Self-Defense

By John Taylor; 2006 November

Last night Thomas and I sat in on Silvie's Pathfinder's class on women's self-defense, which took place in a gym at Premier Martial Arts Academy in an old warehouse in Dunnville's industrial district. The instructor had impressive qualifications, being a former soldier and military policeman. He is constantly traveling around North America teaching police officers how to handle violent situations. Although as a teenager I had several intense years training in Judo as a sport, I had never taken a self-defense class and it was almost all new to me.

Much of the time I had trouble concentrating because Thomas, bored with the intellectual niceties of self-defense, was a positive whirlwind. At times he was literally running circles around the class, crashing into me periodically, practicing the moves, putting on their boxing gloves and hitting me and everything around him, smashing head first into the punching bags, and on and on. I had to be content keeping him quiet but not still. A couple of months ago I would have been more annoyed, but he has been so sick lately that I felt more relieved than anything else that he is back to normal. Meanwhile, there was a noisy Tae Kwon Do class going on in the next gym, so Thomas was not much more distraction than was already going on.

As for the self-defense message the instructor gave, I was surprised at how much of it involves good consultation skills. He gave one example of how to be actively conciliatory. You have parked your car and are walking into the mall. An angry fellow comes up swearing at you for beating him to "his" parking spot. Most people, myself included, would say, "Sorry, better luck next time." He would say, "Hey, my family are healthy and able to walk, you can have the spot. We will park somewhere else and walk a bit further." This is why women, generally speaking, fare better in potentially violent situations. Unlike macho men, they are willing to conciliate, they think on their feet, they do not have "something to prove."

Most of the time (this is one thing they did teach us in Judo, I still remember it) the best thing you can do is run away. Do not be afraid to lay down your cards and beat it. In every situation, be observant, keep your eyes open and know the signs that say it is time to get out of a situation. The reddening face, increased swearing, higher pitched voice, all are saying, get out of there now. He taught three simple moves to make when you cannot leave. As for the legal problems that often result from the use of force in defending yourself, self-defense instructors have a nice little saying, "Better to be standing before twelve than carried by six." That is, better to be charged and standing before a jury than be killed and carried in a coffin by your pallbearers. One is reminded of Baha'u'llah's reported words: "Before Justice, tell the Truth and fear nothing." (Ruhiyyih Khanum, The Guardian of the Baha'i Faith, 158)

The principle of running away and avoidance is, I think, a basic religious principle. Approach to the world of God is the same as withdrawal from the world of transience. People talk about censorship as a measure of tyrants, but it is really part of wisdom. There are many areas of endeavor that do more harm than good and we, as a society, should suppress and extinguish them as much as possible. We should learn to talk in ways that avoid what provokes violence or arousal, for the same reason that we avoid fires by not letting kids play with matches. That means simple discretion, avoiding inflammatory language, holding off on topics that may be invidious or upsetting. The Bible teaches,

"But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do engender strifes; and the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient; In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves..." (II Tim 2:23-25)

The Master, in His Will and Testament, says that we should be positively terrified of contentiousness. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Specifically, He says, "Guard ye the Cause of God, protect His law and have the utmost fear of discord." (Will and Testament, 19) Even ill-feeling is anathema. For example, the only stated reason for requiring consent of parents is, "lest enmity and rancour should arise amongst them." (Aqdas, p. 42) Yet to say that we flee from confrontation is not the same as saying that we are defeated by it. Quite the contrary. Generally speaking, we fill in the darkness of alienation with powerful floodlights of love. We just need to be sure there is electricity to power the floodlights, I suppose. In a single, poetic thought, the Master portrays how we should act in the face of negativity:

"Therefore they must with one accord arise to that which is the requirement and the merit of this day, become overflowing with joy and beatitude, perfume the nostrils with fragrances, sweeten the tastes with the honey and delicacy of love, become the signs of guidance, be the glad-tidings of the Supreme Concourse and the army of the Kingdom of ABHA; so that they may destroy the edifice of war and bloodshed, efface the traces of battle and strife from the face of the earth, uproot the tree of foreignness and plant the tree of unity in the rose-garden of the regions, extinguish the fire of hatred and animosity and set in motion the sea of love and affinity, erase the traces of discord from the Tablet of the earth and register thereon the verses of concord, clear the field of existence from the thorns and brambles of hostilities and ill-feeling and adorn it with the hyacinths and anemones of harmony, train and educate the souls and loosen the tongue in the delivery of the instructions and teachings of the Blessed Perfection!" (Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v3, p. 573)

I found the self-defense instructor's advice about deportment interesting. He said it is a mistake in a dangerous situation to hold your head down and look at your feet as you walk. Your feet know what they are doing. Rather, you should be as observant as possible, noting everything you can about the situation. Think clearly about what is happening. If there is a confrontation, never back up, go from side to side or forward. Going backwards increases the chances that you will fall. There are no rules on the street, so the more you can observe about your subject the better prepared you will be. Notice whether the person you are confronting has friends around, perhaps standing in the shadows. This too has parallels in consultation.

A philosophical self-defense instructor might give similar advice: We should always be observant of the presuppositions on which those we talk with are operating. If they clash, it is best to move the conversation on to more productive areas. This is Francis Bacon's advice as to what to say,

"...since we neither agree in our principles nor our demonstrations, all argument is out of the question." (Bacon, Instauration, Aphorisms)

Similarly, just as our physical environment is often a dark and dangerous place where we must tread carefully, so often the locale of consultation is treacherous. The 20th Century's most prominent philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein, wrote famously that, "Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of the intelligence by means of language." If professional philosophers are caught up in the magic spells of language, we amateurs too should beware. As soon as a discussion breaks down into hair-splitting and walking among tenuous distinctions, we should break it off and seek greener pastures.

As Baha'is, we should be setting an example like that self-defense instructor. He is as well prepared as anybody in the world for a confrontation, yet he has no chip on his shoulder and always acts in an actively conciliatory manner, because he knows that violence is a lose-lose situation. As Baha'is we know that consultation is a win-win thing, but we also know that contention is lose-lose, every much as physical violence is. The Master spoke of several pre-conditions for productive win-win consultation, the first, of course, being love and harmony. But the second, which we might call rule of law or consultative self-defense, involves setting ground rules and appointing a ground rule enforcer. This step we too often pass over.

"The second condition is that the members of the assembly should unitedly elect a chairman and lay down guide-lines and by-laws for their meetings and discussions. The chairman should have charge of such rules and regulations and protect and enforce them; the other members should be submissive, and refrain from conversing on superfluous and extraneous matters." (Selections, 87)

But even under the guidance of a wise chair, it is still much too easy to slip out of consultation into confrontation. Just as language is bewitching, the use of language to cross swords and fight it out is all too compelling. The Master, in the following oft-cited quote, recognizes that this can be made into a good thing, that a dramatic clash may illuminate an otherwise monochromatic, dull and insipid view of truth.

"The members thereof must take counsel together in such wise that no occasion for ill-feeling or discord may arise. This can be attained when every member expresseth with absolute freedom his own opinion and setteth forth his argument. Should anyone oppose, he must on no account feel hurt for not until matters are fully discussed can the right way be revealed. The shining spark of truth cometh forth only after the clash of differing opinions." (Selections, 87)

This demands tremendous maturity from the participants and virtuosic skill on the part of the chairperson. Normally it is rare to get over the drama of the clash and contention long enough to see the new view of truth that the spark revealed. A spark is by definition fleeting, and everybody must be ready beforehand, be very alert to see what it reveals. In fact, very often a chairperson may decide to use his or her authority to postpone discussion until another, later meeting. Only then, long after the high feelings of confrontation are forgotten, are feelings settled down enough for the memory of the spark to shine out. It is interesting that the House of Justice elucidates this passage. They say that the Master did not mean clash of feelings but clash of ideas.

"It is important to note that truth emerges after the "clash" of carefully articulated views (which may well be expressed with enthusiasm and vigour), not from the clash of feelings. A clash of feelings is likely to obscure the truth, while a difference of opinion facilitates the discovery of truth." (letter Feb 7, 1993, Issues Concerning Community Functioning)

In fact, the Master seems to expect that the clash of opinions will be of the sort that dispels the opposing points of view soon afterwards, even by those who expressed them, not the kind of bashing that entrenches positions. This is evidenced by his saying right after that when it comes down to making a decision all, ideally, should share one opinion, "... but if, the Lord forbid, differences of opinion should arise, a majority of voices must prevail." (Selections, 86)

This is why I think that the essence of consultative self-defense is to change our tastes. We really should regard opposition as ugly and distasteful. We should not look at a fight as welcome relief to the boredom of everyday life. Philosophically, we should be aware of the snares of language and seek only the truth. We must love the enlightenment, hate the impact of any but pure ideas. Pascal made an insightful observation about how ephemeral our attraction to the clash of ideas usually is.

"The struggle alone pleases us, not the victory. We love to see animals fighting, not the victor infuriated over the vanquished. We would only see the victorious end; and, as soon as it comes, we are satiated. It is the same in play, and the same in the search for truth. In disputes we like to see the clash of opinions, but not at all to contemplate truth when found. To observe it with pleasure, we have to see it emerge out of strife. So in the passions, there is pleasure in seeing the collision of two contraries; but when one acquires the mastery, it becomes only brutality. We never seek things for themselves, but for the search. Likewise in plays, scenes which do not rouse the emotion of fear are worthless, so are extreme and hopeless misery, brutal lust, and extreme cruelty." (Pascal, Pensees, 135)

Consultative self-defense is a change in the esthetic of the heart, reforming our appreciation as spectators. The instructor told one anecdote from his own life to illustrate this point. One day he came upon a very large man beating up his wife. Gathered around were a couple of dozen spectators doing nothing to stop it, just watching. As a person trained for these situations, he subdued the bully with minimum force and performed a citizen's arrest. The man was charged with assault but since the instructor had separated his shoulder, he was sued and had to pay the man's lost wages. Again, violence is always lose-lose, and even when you win and do everything right, you still lose. But better standing before twelve than carried by six. Violence is just a question of who and how much suffering will expiate the spiritual deficit. Ultimately, this is why the Manifestation must suffer, to expiate hearts and ready them to love and consult. It is up to us to feel that sacrificial pain, and learn from it.