Thursday, November 13, 2008

Baha'i inspired joking

Baha'i Jokes

By John Taylor; 2008 Nov 13, 10 Qudrat 165 BE

Taken and slightly adapted from a thread by that name on the Baha'i library forum:

Q: Why do Baha'is need to visit Dracula?

A: Because we need to bring ourselves to a-count each day!

How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nineteen. Nine to consult in order to arrive at an authoritative decision to change the light bulb, six to hold a study circle to deepen about electrical safety, one to bring a ladder and hold it, one to change the bulb, and a nineteenth to make tea and prepare refreshments for all the others. The good news is that if it takes a month to recruit each one, it will still only add up to a year's work.

1. Q: What kind of car did the Bab drive?

2. A: A 4runner!

A Baha'i pioneer was blazing a trail through the jungle in a tropical country. Suddenly he found himself surrounded by naked men with bones through their noses, shouting and waving spears.  They tied him up and threw him in a stew-pot, then started piling firewood underneath. Drums sounded. In desperation, the pioneer began reciting the remover of difficulties. Suddenly, the drumming stopped. One cannibal looked at another and said,

"Hey guys! I think we've just found the ninth member of our LSA!"

Q: If a Baha'i opened up a dry-cleaners, what would it be called?

A: "Blessed is the Spot."

Q: How did Baha'u'llah become a great interior designer?

A: By turning abasement into glory!

In heaven a long line of souls is waiting before Saint Peter. As each one comes to him he asks them who the Lord of the Age is. A succession of answers come in reply, and a long line of Buddhist and Hindus and Muslims and Christians and Jews walk away. The Baha'i at the end of the line is thinking Well, I know this one. Ill be the only one to get it right! When the Baha'i gets to Saint Peter, the Saint says, "Oh, a Bahai. Okay, here is your question. How do you spell Huququ'llah? Remember to pronounce the word correctly before spelling it aloud."

Q: Why is it that Baha'i never get headaches?

A: Because Baha'u'llah gave them tablets!

Q: How did Abdu'l-Baha pay for his travels in the United States?

A: He used his MASTER-card!

The Top Ten Golden Age Disney Remakes

 10. The Egalitarian-Cats

 9. Herbie Goes on Pilgrimage

 8. The Shaggy Auxiliary Board Member

 7. James and the Giant Seeker

 6. 9 Dalmatians

 5. Snow White and the Seven Assembly Members

 4. Honey I Shrunk The House of Worship

 3. The Apple Dumpling Gang Pays Huququ'llah

 2. Beauty and the Feast

 1. FAITHtasia

Q: What airline did Abdu'l-Baha fly?


Q: What's the Nightingale of Paradise named?

A: "Lo"

How to tell a Baha'i

The only smoke you envision when you hear the phrase "joint feast" is from overdone tadiq.

If you get more excited by LSA than LSD, you might be a Baha'i.

A movie star offers a shameless night of passion, and the response is, "Um... I need to investigate your character, get parental permission and wait 90 days." That one might be Baha'i.

You see "Some Assembly Required" on a box and think, "They probably need home front pioneers." You could be a Baha'i.

"You see a real estate billboard saying, "Fully Detached Community" and drive on, saying, "We're not needed here."

You think March Madness is the outcome of hunger from the Fast -- then you gotta be a Baha'i.

Q: What search engine should you use to find out how to give to the fund?

A: Ha-Google-ah

Q: Why doesn't Dracula become a Baha'i?

A: He can't stop backbiting!

Q. How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Baha'is don't do that. They teach the light bulb, and if it wants to transform, it'll change itself!

You know you could use a little more deepening if:

"You take marshmallows to firesides."

"You're worried about your chances of getting audited by the Huququ'llah Committee."

Q: How many Baha'i Youth does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: All of them. Only one to hold it, but all the rest to move the world!

Terms of endearment, come-on lines and pickup lines for Baha'is:

"Baby, I just finished Book 2 and now I wanna pay you a home visit!"

"Can I do my year of service in your heart?"

"Baby, you're like Book 7: you complete me."

"Will you be my nightingale of paradise?"

Q: Why are Baha'i youth always running?

A: Because they are being "chaste."

If these jokes do not satisfy, try the longer collection at:

The following joke, among others, is at Where they got it from I do not know, but I would not be surprised if it were true, as they claim:

True Story: The Master owned two donkeys. No other person wanted these two donkeys, but the Master loved them like his own children. The first donkey he named Lightning, and he had been rejected by everyone else because no one could get him to move - except the Master. The second donkey he named Thunder, he had stomach problems.


John Taylor



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