Thursday, March 04, 2010

Why Not Swear?

On Scurrilous Speech

By John Taylor; 2010 March 04, Ala' 05, 166 BE

Part II in a series

Let us continue today with our series on swearing and profanity. I am in a perfect mood for this topic. I am filled with anger and frustration, prompted by my daughter's money-sink of a laptop. My car can explode and my house crumble to the ground and I shrug my shoulders; but when my computers fail, I feel like taking the universe, tearing it to pieces, throwing the shards on the ground and stomping on them. I have always disliked laptops (almost as much as I hate cell phones, and especially so-called smart phones) but now there is no malediction strong enough to describe how I feel about them.

A year and a half ago my father bought a lovely HP Pavilion laptop for my daughter, who had no urgent use for it. It mostly sat around for a year, hardly used at all, until just on schedule as the warranty ran out, the jack broke. I bought a universal adapter, with a set of seven plugs for seventy dollars, but it still did not work. I took it to one repair guy. And on and on ... until long story short and more than enough money to buy a dependable desktop later -- last night I get it home from the third repair guy and the jack is still not responding. No power at all. Turns out we lost the plug, so now I have to shell out another seventy bucks for a second universal adaptor. Now my daughter says she does not want it, so I will be stuck with it, assuming it works.

But in spite of all this frustration, I still have not sworn, cursed or execrated. Here are some jokes. Maybe if I laugh I will feel better.


On Halloween a little boy with a speech defect was trick-or-treating. He knocked on an old lady's door. On seeing him she declared: "Oh, a little pirate.. how cute. But where are your little buccaneers?" The boy answered: "Right here, underneath my buckin' hat..."


"Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words." - Calvin & Hobbes


"He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck."


Insults in the Courtroom

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig, 'Mrs. Johnson'?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."


Ten Reasons Why I Swear

1. It pleases mother so much.

2. It is a fine mark of manliness.

3. It proves I have self control.

4. It indicates how clearly my mind operates.

5. It makes my conversation so pleasing to everybody.

6. It leaves no doubt in anyone's mind as to my good breeding.

7. It impresses people that I have more than ordinary education.

8. It is and unmistakable sign of culture and refinement.

9. It makes me a very desirable personality among women and children and in respectable society.

10. It is my way of honoring God who said, "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain."


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